Friday, May 30, 2008

Vodka & Smells - A in Social Psychology

I finished my Social Psychology class and I got an A in it. Every tabernacle choir on earth should do a simultaneous hallelujah. Hopeful this isn't one of the signs of the apocalypse and Armageddon starts immediately because I'm celebrating.

Y Y Y Y I I I I I P P P P P P P P E E E E E E E E E E E E ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


I love living in the burbs. I would love living in the city too, but I especially love living near where I work. I get to go home for lunch, could technically walk there if there wasn't a large freeway seperating things. Who knows if one day I actually learn to ride a bike, I may actually stop driving there and back. Go planet earth!

The one problem has been housing. I don't believe in buying a house unless you have kids as a single person it just seems like a waste of electricity and water and not to mention you suddenly either need to become a DIY queen who knows how to mow the lawn or else find a good yard and handy man to take care of things.

I've always lived in one-bedroom apartments. Nothing special just enough space for me but too cramped really because I have so much crap.

I've upgraded to a 2 bedroom apt recently and just love all the space. I've recently taken up sewing and knitting and now have a seperate room for my crafts. I have my bedroom as an entire closet because I only have one TV and due to an unseemly TV addiction I have to sleep with the TV on.

Now, I've come up with the idea to make my master bedroom into an office, especially since I'm in school. I even looked into getting a murphy bedroom. Someone is proud of themselves for inventing that thing. 5Gs for that thing, are you kidding me? Then they tell me that since they have to install it into both the walls and the floor that it would technically become property of my apt. complex because although they allow things in the walls but not the floor. So I'm going to spend 5Gs on a place that's not mine. Ummm.... no I don't think so.

Right now I'm saving for my trip to Paris and I can't afford the murphy bed or even the cheaper option of a fold out couch so I'm keeping things as is.

The one thing I really objected to about this apartment which is great in every way, is the smell. Every time I walk in the front door I'm remind of getting the sloppy seconds from homosexual dog breeders. As soon as I step foot in my apartment, I get the whiff of the collected drippings from a well used anus and a giant hairy dog who likes to roll around a muddy garden. It stunk to high heaven. No matter how much febreeze I tried no matter the candles I lit or the renuzit odor killer thingies I got that smell just lingered on and on.

Finally I remembered something I'd read. If you leave out bowls of vodka for a day or so, the vodka will absorb the smell and you can even reuse the vodka if you wanted to.

I went and caught the cheapest vodka I could find - McCormick Vodka for $6.95 for 32oz. I left a bowl out in every room and overnight the smell was gone. I've left them out all week and no more smell.

Le sigh, if only you could get rid of man that easily.

On second thought, you can.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Book Vouchers & The General Run Around

I use student loans to pay for school. This year my college started allowing book vouchers to be used for loans as well as grants. After I was told this and then went out and paid off several credit cards like a silly nanny. So I've been waiting to get an email from the college telling me that my book vouchers were ready. I waited and waited and since classes start on Monday I knew I needed to act.

I went to the college only to find that the college does not give book vouchers for loans, only for grants.

What kind of shananigans are these people playing? Why can't things ever go smoothly for me?

I got this kick in my teeth on my lunch hour while I stupidly waited 20 mins for nothing for the head Financial Aid counselor to come back from the restroom which actually was her lunch break. (That was fun. Everyone likes to waste time, right.)

So at 5 pm, I left work and ran to the financial aid office, to see if I could catch the elusive counselor. She had already gone for the day (her hours are 9 am - 3 pm, must be nice!) and so I waited in a line of two (I was the second person) for both counselors to help the man with his one issue. (See the picture of incompetence, I'm painting here.) Finally, one of the counselors figured out that it didn't take two brains to deal with his issue especially since she was the mainly silent one who only nodded and repeated what the other counselor said like a parrot. After a loud sigh and a hard look she got the point and stepped back which made the first counselor relax and laugh. (Doesn't every woman want another woman's tits on her back as she leans over a desk? No? Seriously? Why not?)

After she was done staring into space and showing off her chameleon color-changing face skills, she turns to me and asks if she can help me. (Not sure, sweetheart. Can you?) Her co-worker looks up at me, shakes her head, points her index finger at the ceiling in the universal signal for just a moment. Another color change series went over her face and I decided to be nice and said, I'm here for book vouchers. She nodded and turned to a box behind her and looked up my name. Surprisingly she found four for me.

I was ecstatic. Yeah!!! I could now get my books on time for class. Yippee!! However, home skillet was not done with her moron routine. While the first counselor went to the back to get a form for the gentleman ahead of me in line she looked over each voucher and said loudly, "You've got four vouchers. Whoa what's up with that?"

The first counselor merely paused for two seconds before continuing on as she shook her head in disgust. After a FULL MINUTE of flipping again and again looking at the book vouchers she finally asks me how many credit hours I have. I pause because I really don't know. I have some classes with 4 credits while others are 3. She looks up and says you have 16 credit hours? I nod because it sounds good to me. (Rounding up, it works well for everyone.) For summer she asks? What semester is this? Why would I need book vouchers for a semester that is not coming up. Her fellow counselor sighs, almost turns, shrugs, gestures toward the moron helping me and whispers to the guy she's helping. Obviously she does not suffer fools gladly.

Finally she tells me that I have to sign each book voucher. I nod and look on her desk for a pen and she puts her hand out to block my search and say............

What for it...........................

One at a time.

Now this got even me. How stupid do you have to be to realize people only sign with one hand, one page at a time? When did you EVER see different?

Now to be fair, both of these ladies were poor at customer service. Whatever grievance you have with your co-worker you should keep that behind the scenes. They both made themselves look stupid, one because she couldn't hide her emotions and the other because she didn't have enough brain cells to breathe, talk, and think at the same time.

Oh well, I immediately went out and put my book vouchers to use and got all my books but for one course. For that, I'll have to go to a different book store as I'm an online student and I can't buy used books and need to have a CD for one course.

All is irrelevant, as I have my book vouchers and I don't need to spend my own money.


I'm still sore from that stupid spinning class. I want to like this class so much but it is VERY painful. I can't believe when I take a weight lifting class it's nothing I regret not using more weight but I sit on a bike and move my legs for 20 MINS and I feel like I've been in a car accident.

Jeez, they've got to make that spinning machine much better. I'm listening to a book on tape about how pirates really lived and let me tell you how similar this machine is to the tortures back in the day.

But I digress, I'm planning on going to another spin class tomorrow. I'm not going to go out like a Ninja Warrior Tranny versus the jump hang. No freakin' way. I'm beating this thing if it's the last thing I ever do.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Aliens and Spincycles

I've gotten through my first semester of college and it was a doozy. Disappointed by my C in Spanish but I deserve it because I didn't do the homework for 2 chapters. I'm planning on retaking this class after I get my Associates because that will bring my GPA up. Right now it's running at 3.142 which is a B but I'm hoping to bring it up. I'm taking Social Pscychology as a mini-mester and making an A so if I can bring that one on home, my GPA is a rising.

Started to go to Spinning class. I went through the home ownership thing and the DVDs but I'm inconsistent. I need something that 's not boring and everyone at work recommended the Y. So I joined and started taking classes there. Everyone there is supersweet. I love that place. I've been a member of 24-hour fitness but they actively make fun of everyone. Here people keep that to a minimum and you get active encouragement from absolutely everyone.

Now, since I was a child, I've had a quest to compete in a triathlon. I can run, don't get me wrong, I've got that skill down. I can't swim and I don't know how to ride a bike, so it looks like marathon for me but I'm determined to actually do a triathlon. Part of that is learning to swim, which the Y has several classes on. The other is riding a bike. The spin cycles are very much like a bike. I didn't know that until I spoke with a co-worker and she confirmed it.

Let me tell you what spin class is like. Spin class is the testing ground for future alien abductees. That bike seat is the gynecological (sp?) equivalent to your annual exam. The seat divides your buttocks perfectly in the middle and firmly inserts itself ever deeper into your anal cavity. I know aliens are observing every spinning class in the world to see who takes to this thing the most eagerly and they are pegged for future transport and further investigations.

Why, oh why, is this seat so uncomfortable and downright painful. I don't understand it. I didn't last 5 minutes in my first class mainly because of the seat. I couldn't sit down and ride and I could stand and pump (pointing toes and bad shoes led to foot cramps). Yesterday I went back and made it 20. I'm determined to make it through an entire class but I need to buy something to go over the seat to make it. If it wasn't for the girl in front of me wearing a triathlon t-shirt, I wouldn't have made it. I stared at her shirt like it had a map to Johnny Depp's penis on it and kept on going.

Whew, it's got to be easier than this.